Abashed the Devil Stood,

It's a day early, but I just wanted to wish everyone a....

Happy Halloween!

It’s taken a while for me to actually announce it here (even if you check on facebook, it wasn’t that big of an announcement) but the designer who was on maternity leave decided not to come back, so I am now a full time graphic designer at Pep-Direct.
It feels kinda weird actually; it feels that this job pretty much fell into my lap. Granted, I kinda knew that I was getting full time, I think it was a little over two weeks into the contract my boss told me that he wanted to hire me. Not that I’m complaining, it’s not like I just sat on my ass and did nothing. I worked hard to prove to the people here that I was hire able, even when I wasn’t 100% sure that I really wanted the job. But the one hesitation towards getting this job was the fact that there has been a lot of down time. Leave it to me to complain about getting paid to sit in front of a computer all day. To combat the said down time, I have started advertising for freelance for some extra work. I also make little projects for myself. I also spend a lot of time on the news, Snopes.com, mylifeisaverage.com and food blogs. With a constant stream of Pandora. Where I became addicted to The Airborne Toxic Event, Red Jumpsuit apparatus and Taylor swift (don’t judge!!)

It actually feels nice to have karma smile down on me, compared to the hell of a year tat I had last year. Things are actually going right. I’ve even started going to karate twice a week (to combat sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours, 5 days a week) It’s been awesome, and I’m slowly starting to become social again after kinda shutting myself up for a while after Manda left for the navy. It was kind of a personal choice, but now I want to actually go out and see people, do things. And with the new schedule, it's just easier.

Another reason that I was kinda hesitant about the design job was I would miss people, which I realized later, after much denying that it wasn’t the people, I would actually miss the job, was just stupid. The only people that I really missed are not there anymore, and I’m not really interested in the people that remain in the print area. There is only one-person left that I actually somewhat talked to. And even then, both of us are sort of shy, so there were not many conversations beyond work and how stupid people are (which while amusing is somewhat limited)

Even that is a somewhat funny situation that has been sitting in the back of my mind for the past couple of days. I want to be with him, but at the same time, there are other guys that I kinda have an eye on. I just don’t seriously consider them, but at the same time, I wouldn’t mind. There is only one I seriously want. I don’t know, I can’t really explain it. I am putting myself under the attitude of what happens happens, but that doesn’t mean that somewhere in the back of my mind I want some sort of sign that he is actually interested.

I got my glasses. :-D

I never thought that I would be so torn about the possibility of getting a graphic design job.

On the one hand, I love being a graphic designer. I like trying to figure stuff out and seeing it come to fruition. But that’s when I actually have work to do. There’s still a lot of “You have anything for me to do?” “not at the moment” And that’s when the job gets frustrating. My dad says that it’s because I’m new, but what if it isn’t?

I don’t even know if I’m actually going to be getting the job yet. I asked my boss last week, and he said he didn’t know yet, hadn’t talked to the president. He wasn’t sure if the designer that I replaced was coming back or not, and there has been some issues with one of the clients (not on our end, something with them) And that just makes me want the job even more.

(And something I’ve realized- I still haven’t gotten use to being paid everyother week. I felt more financially secure getting paid every week, even if it was a smaller amount. I dunno... just something that’s been on my mind lately)

But at the same time, I would be perfectly happy going back to printing. I miss the people-all the printers on first and second shift keep asking me when I’m coming back, but at the same time, they don’t want me to come back. They want me to succeed. Which is sweet.
I also miss the physical aspect of the work, the feeling of working with the printers, the troubleshooting when something goes wrong, even the smell of the paper.

On the bright side, one of my pieces is actually gonna be printed (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) At least, I’m pretty sure. My boss bought the artwork i used and we sent it off to the next step in the process.

Went to the eye doctor today after not going for 5 years...

And I'm getting glasses. Mostly as a prevention and to be worn for reading & computer work- spending way to much time in front of the computer & doing tiny detail work.

aaaaaaand I'm kinda excited. Does that make me a dork?

I know I have been ignoring this thing for a long time... I have tried multiple times to write out the happenings of my life, but things just don’t come as easy as I would like them to.

I guess the biggest change that has come about is I’m no longer a print operator at Pep-Direct. Instead, I’m working in the creative department as a graphic designer (!!!!!) One of the women is on maternity leave, and they needed someone to cover for those three months. And the best part was, it’s a win-win situation for me- either they like what I do and they hire me, or I go back to my printing job, and gain experience and items for my portfolio. My job as a printer was something that I made damn sure was going to be guarenteed when the three months was done, cause I was not going to lose a permenant job at the end of a temporary one.
I’ve been there for about a month now, and... already the art director (Matt) has said that he wanted to put me on as full time (again, !!!!!!) I was completely taken by surprise.
But at the same time, I’m not sure that I will be getting it. There have been a lot of issues lately at Pep with employees, especially hiring permenants, and the thing with my position is that I have to wait for approval from the president of the company, because it’s essentially creating a new position. But then again, I didn’t think that Matt would be interested in hiring me period, so we’ll see.

I would love to be able to work as a graphic designer. The people there are pretty cool, and they’re willing to help by answering my stupid questions (I understand the design part pretty well, it’s the administrative stuff that I’m still confused about) The thing is, I do miss printing, lately more than usual, because we’re waiting for approvals and the like so I haven’t had that much to do. I can’t just sit there and do nothing, it’s not part of my personality. Even when I was printing, if a machine was down, I would sit there and pace, waiting for the mechanic. I can’t sit and do nothing. I’ve been reading a lot of news lately. I also think that Matt is still trying to ease me into everything, so he’s been giving me more easier projects, like labels, cards and lots of mock-ups.
Another reason I miss printing is I miss the people. Granted, most of them are no longer there (Fred didn’t get hired back when he came back from NC, and they got rid of the Andover agency, so no more Audrey) I miss Dan, as pathetic as that sounds. And while I have Audrey and Fred’s numbers, and have ways to contact them (through Facebook and Myspace, plus calling) I really have no way of getting in contact with Dan outside of work. There’s always work email. *grins* And just when we were starting to really get along, and I was begining to really get the vibe that there was an attraction. I dunno... boys are confusing, especially for me.

There have been other things going on in my life, and stuff still to come. Manda and Chrissy both left for the Navy and Air Force. Chrissy’s actually already graduated from basic, and is now in Monterey CA. Manda’s still stuck in basic. It seems so weird to have both of them gone so far away, especially manda. I think it still (even though she’s been gone for about a month now) hasn’t really hit me that she’s going to be gone for SIX years. It’s a strange feeling, especially since Fred also left around the same time as manda. It was like, all my friends decided to pick and leave me. I had no one, no one in Brookline or Manchester to hang out with on a whim- I would have to make some major plans in order to see anyone (mostly cause they all live in Boston or somewhere that was more than a half hour drive) But Fred moved back, and I’m starting to reforge old contacts/relationships, plus I’ve been spending more time with my family. Plus, I started going back to karate, partly for the social interaction, and partly to make up for the fact that I no longer am doing physical labor at work.
It gets kind boring sometimes living by yourself with 2 cats and a fish (yeah, adopted one of manda’s cats and a beta when she went off to boot camp)

Actually, despite some doubts, I am happy with my life. My career is going in a direction that I want (slowly but surely) And if I have been spending more time with friends and family. The only thing that is lacking is any semblance of a relationship. And even that, I am not fretting over too much. It’ll come when it comes.

Your result for The Social Persona Test (What kind of man/woman are you?)...

The Rarity (QTAF)

Quirky Traditional Alpha Female

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I'll admit, it's kinda nice hearing that someone thinks you and the guy you're interested in would make a cute couple.....

but at the same time, it just reminds you that, wait, you're not a couple.

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are a creative person with a great imagination. You enjoy living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close to you. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

so I’ve been neglecting this journal for a while now... it’s not that I have lost interest in Livejournal (I still check it at least every other day) it’s just my life has been... well boring as far as happenings.

I have been at Pep Direct for about three months now, and I am loving the job. I am a lot happier than I was towards the last couple months of my job at wendy’s. Though I’ll admit, i do miss the people that I worked with, I don’t miss the stress. And apparently there is a lot more drama & back stabbing going on. Something that I just don’t want to deal with or be involved with; granted, there will always be that kinda thing, but at least the high school drama aspect is no longer there. Just petty adults. Now the only thing i really stress about is whether or not I’ll make good numbers or whether or not the lead guy is flirting with me. :-D

Even if nothing comes from flirting with said lead guy, I am actually, happy with the whole situation. It feels nice to actually feel butterflies in your stomach again at the sight of a guy. Especially a guy whose older, and an artist. That just made him even more awesome- the artist part, the older part I don’t really care about, but I figure I’ve dated all guys who were younger than me, older would be a nice change. I was worried for a while that I was still in love with Matt, wouldn’t want anyone else but Matt. I still do love him in a way, and I think that, because we didn’t really end on bad terms, a part of me will always love him and want to be with him. But I am ready to move on. I am happy and secure in all aspects of my life, I just want someone to share it with.
I don’t think people I’ve told about this stuff really understand, but it feels amazing to just be interested in a guy again. And I act like such a silly school girl around him- I forget how to talk, and I’ve hit my head a couple times now because we were talking and I forgot about the electronics box that’s head level to me. Never realized how easily I blushed before.... Yeah, I’m a dork, I’ll admit it.

So the job is going well, the apartment is going well. Thanks to the tax refund & econimc stimulus package, I am now back on track as far as finances. This makes me happy, but can also be dangerous as I sit there and think “well, now i can afford it so why not buy it?” I’m trying to save up for some big toys- such as a new sound system for my car and a motorcycle (which is something that I’ve wanted since I was around 16) The spring weather also kinda helps with those thoughts.. the warm weather makes me think of how awesome the drive to work would be on a bike. Plus, there is the trip to dublin with manda next year. So many things I want, not enough money :-P

But yes, i am alive, and doing well. I have been trying to eat healthier, and since I’ve left Wendy’s, I have lost weight, which is nice. So, trying to lose weight & get a bit more in shape.

you know, I wish I wasn’t so clueless when it comes to flirting....

*le sigh*

so i've been at my new job for about five... weeks now.

And I've actually really been liking it. When the machines actually decide to behave... I've been tempted to kick & or throw shit a couple times.

it has been a different experience, but I've been enjoying it. And the hours aren't that bad, though I've thrown my sleep cycle for a loop and it's still trying to catch up. When I don't have work, I stay up till around 6 or 7 in the morning, and then sleep until 6 in the afternoon. And even when I do have work, I've been sleeping all day lately. What would be ideal is for me to get up for a couple of hours, in order to do all the stuff that I need to do (or just sit on my ass and watch TV) and then sleep for a couple hours before I go to work. I'm trying to get back into that routine. Of course, my wonderful neighbors upstairs decide to blast their music loud enough that I can hear it in my living-room when I'm trying to sleep. Oh well....

also, I think the lead person in my area is cute ( I also thought his brother was cute when I met him like a couple years ago....) it's actually kinda nice to be working with guys who aren't jail bait. I'm actually the youngest person in the printing area, which is something that never happened at my old job. I was always one of the older ones. I think it's funny that a lot of people seemed surprise that I'm 23 and already living on my own (and that I cook for myself all the time)
A couple of the guys seems to treat me like a little sister; but I really don't mind. They defended me when there were some issues (already I had people talking shit about me... ) and they always let me know whether or not I'm doing things right, or show me what I'm doing wrong. Plus, they like to make me jump (coming up behind me and talking in my ear, or pulling on my chair) They seem to get a kick out of it....

and my cat likes the gnaw on my hair.... it feels kinda weird.

there are times that I can't believe how fast life can change. Your world can be turned upside down with one statement. Mine was:
Your contract with ************ has been terminated

That's right, they fired me.

Actually, they're fired me about three weeks ago. There really isn't a worse feeling that losing your job; that desperate panic of "what now?" All I could think of was how I did not want to lose my apartment, my credit would be screwed, how the hell was I going to pay for school and my car. There had been some issues the week before, starting with the general manager only giving me 25 hours- he was leaving and a new GM was coming in. I think the old GM talked shit about me, so the new GM was intent on getting rid of me. She apparently smiled when she said that she was going to fire me. They fired me for not following cash procedures. I had a drawer that was short $80. Yes, I messed up, and I understand that. What I really don't understand is since I left, there has been both $225 and $290 missing from both the registers and the safe. And those managers still have their jobs. Nice huh?

But honestly, I'm glad that I'm gone. The only thing that I miss is crew (well, like 4 of them) and one of the managers. I had fallen into a rut where I was comfortable with my job and not trying to advance anywhere. The only thing was now I needed a new job. Luckily, my mother's company was hiring. So now I am working third shift (11pm-7am) at Pep Direct as a Print Operator. I think this will be a good change for me. It's something that at least has something to do with my major, and although it's a $.14 cut in pay, it is guaranteed 40 hours with overtime and medical, dental and eye insurance for less than what i was paying for just health at ***************. Plus, I have been around that plant since I was in diapers- I use to run around on the floor, or in the parking lot racing barefoot with my brother. Or all the times I would spend hours in the cafeteria waiting for my mom to get out of work, digging around the vending machines for extra change.

And my dad said that he was proud of me. Actually he was laughing at me cause I was talking about making chicken parm to bring into work, since now I actually have to make my lunches instead of just munching off stuff at work. I never use to cook, but since I've started living on my own, that is something i have come to enjoy... but he said he was proud of me. And that made me feel good. There are times I wonder if I am making any more progress to becoming more of an adult, or if I am stuck in between that area of adulthood and still dependent on your parents. But I still hate having my parents pay for things that I can pay for myself. I feel like that takes away my independence. And I know that my parents are having hard times themselves; I know they can't help me as much as they want to. It was nice hearing that your parents think that you're doing a good job with your life....

Now off to make dinner for tonight before I head off to sleep for a couple of hours...

Even though it's a day late, I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Hope everyone got exactly what they wanted and had a wonderful christmas with friends and family. Mine was a lot better than the one last year- no tension, no screaming or crying. Just family, baking, food and of course presents. Even though I got rear ended on my way to work Tuesday night by a drunk driver on Granite Street. Well, I'm assuming she's drunk, since when we pulled over to exchange information, she drove off. I was so pissed... especially since this time it was my car, not some rental. That was my baby that she ran into. Luckily, it looks all superficial, just a large crack in my rear bumper and bent the top of my trunk. And I've finally been able to get it run right since it's visits to Quirk. *sniffs* Great way to start the Christmas vacation.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to buy all the presents that I wanted to- I had to skip getting things for my parents and my grandparents, but oh well... the economy sucks, everyone had some difficulties, plus there were some other issues that I'll discuss later. I still managed to buy for Brian, Ashley (she was my "Secret Santa" for Christmas eve) and G.C.- I got him this playdough set that had this little swiss army knife and all these cool little tools, really cheap from K.B. Toys since they're going out of business. It just didn't feel right not buying for a 4 year old.

I spent Christmas Eve at my aunt & uncle's house with my mother's side of the family, plus my dad. And what did I get?
a couple pictures frames, two long sleeved shirts from Victoria Secret, a vest and scarf from Old Navy, a shelf, Iron Man & Chocolat, the soundtrack to Juno (I love the music in that movie) some candles, some christmas decorations, a cook book, aaaannd Guitar Hero: World Tour *big grin*
Unfortunately, I can't play guitar hero until I get another AC adaptor for my playstation.....

I spent the night over at my mother's so that I could stay over and help with some last minutes Christmas gifts. I felt bad though, I ended up sleeping to late in order to help her too much. We both went up to my grandparents for Chinese food. By the time we got back, it was the huge massive rush that happens every Christmas to get things done so that we could go to Al's family's christmas party. I wanted to go this year, since last year I didn't get the chance to go. It was nice- a lot of things seemed to have changed since last time I saw them... there was a new baby (which was a huge shock) and people had tattoos that I have never noticed before. Even though I might not like Al that much, I do really like his family. Especially his sisters, they're just fun to be around. And they're very warm, very welcoming... they make you feel like you're part of the family. I think mom making them cookies and candies every year helps; they said they would take mom over Al if they break up. :-D

It was a nice Christmas, a nice way to end a year that has probably not been the best for me. Telling one of Al's sisters and her niece about it, they were joking that it could be made into a Lifetime movie. But hopefully things will be getting better; they're starting to look up. If there is one thing that this year has taught me, is to not focus on the bad and to look forward to the good....

I was just curious as to how many of these I have actually read... there was a time from like between my senior year of high school to the first year of college where I was trying to read a lot more of what's considered the classics, just to say that i have read them....
And I read some of them, but a lot of the ones from this list were school readings, so that doesn't really count....

1) Look at the list and make bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your LJ



( The list....  )

Plus, I'm trying to get my mind off some stuff....

I went and saw the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert today with my dad, Manda and Chrissy. Dave actually was going to the same show, so him & I plotted to surprise Manda and Chrissy. It worked perfectly -evil grin-

They changed the show from what it has been for the last couple years, but it was a nice change.

And they played 2 Savatage songs as a tribute to Criss Oliva, who died 15 years ago and was one of their founding members.

And I'll admit, when I heard the first cords of the song Believe, I nearly screamed- I started to cry. Yes, I'll admit I cried... that was been one of my favorite songs for a long time; I just think it is so beautiful.

That just made my whole night

So after all those one night stands
You've ended up with heart in hand
A child alone
On your own
Retreating
Regretful for the things you're not
And all the dreams you haven't got
Without a home
A heart of stone
Lies bleeding
And for all the roads you've followed
And for all you did not find
And for all the things you had to leave behind
I am the way, I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there, I'll never leave
All I ask of you is believe
You're childhood eyes were so intense
While bartering your innocence
For bits of string, the grown up wings you needed
But when you had to add them up
You found that they were not enough
to get you in and pay for sins
Repeated
And for all the roads you followed
And for all the tears you've cried
And for all the fears you've had to keep inside
I am the way, I am the light
I am the dark inside the night
I hear your hopes
I feel your dreams
And in the dark I hear your screams
Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there, I'll never leave
All I ask of you is
Believe

although I'll admit that I really do love living on my own, there are some things that I miss about living with someone, especially when I was living with Matt.

This includes folding laundry together and having someone help with the dishes...
these are really the only chores that I don't like doing.... I'm just going to have to learn to deal now...

I went and was actually pretty productive today....


went to karate class and got a nice little work out in this morning :-D
bought cat food and kitty litter
ate Subway (yummy and had extra for dinner!)
watched another disc of Heroes: Season 1
went looking for frames for the two pictures I have left to put on my walls... a picture of Jesus carrying the cross from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum and then an Ansel Adams... and no such luck
came home and started looking online for said frames- started compiling a christmas list in the process... figured that's a good way to get some stuff I want for the apartment but am to poor to really justify buying myself...
did the dishes (while watching a show on Discovery called "Machines of Malice" about instruments of torture)
was able to get rid of three more boxes- yes, I still have boxes (!!!!!!!) moved my mixer into the kitchen (that's a novelty isn't it?) and just put some stuff away/rearranged it... while watching more "Machines of Malice"
I actually have some stuff to get rid of, I just don't know where to take it; either a dump or goodwill maybe?

And I was suppose to go clubbing tonight but people backed out on me... oh well, I have to open tomorrow anyway...

All that still needs to be done is a shower, laundry and I'm making a display board for my grandmother for the Legion but I can do that tomorrow..

And not bad at all since my last day off (Thursday) I slept for like 13 hours and made myself pizza...

so i was talking to my grandparents about what's been going on at work (2 times the cops have shown up and the fry station fire) and my grandfather started laughing and asked when I was going to start writing my book...

I debated the idea of creating a blog about the being a recently graduated graphic designer... and I may actually do it, but with the twist of being a recently graduated graphic designer with a job as a manager at Wendy's...

opinions?
I might just do it for the hell of it, but I'm kinda curious as to what people think...

Before thursday and friday, the last day off I had was Tuesday last week... and most people would probably say so what, that's only 7 days of work, but the way my schedule has been, I have been exhausted....
It's been:
Wednesday: Open (8-5)
Thursday: Close (5-1:30)
Friday: Close (6-2, almost 3) this was suppose to be my day off but Amy called me into close at River Road
Saturday: Close (5-2:30) this was the night that one of my closers quit, so I had to beg one of the guys to stay... (by the time I left, I was at 13 hours of overtime)
Sunday: Open (8-6) and of course, the next day was when two people called out on me, and we were wicked busy. I had to call people & beg them to come in so it wouldn't be me and one other person for 3 hours. And also, one of my crew got a threatening phone call from one of the girl's boyfriends... fun fun
Monday: Close (3-12:30) surprisingly, it went extremely well
Tuesday: Close (4-12:30) again, went pretty well... even with the two guys making water balloons out of the condoms that someone left there... that has it's own story.
Wednesday: Open (8-6) I was suppose to get out at 3, but it was a case of people calling out, leaving the covering manager with only one other person, so I stayed because I felt bad... and of course, 2 hours later I get called back because the fry station caught on fire.... I didn't leave for a couple hours cause I was helping out by doing inventory of everything we had to throw out and the nightly paperwork...


And in between that I have been trying to have a life- I went down and saw the treasures of Brookline last Saturday with manda and chrissy. It was nice just wandering around the ball park looking at different businesses and things that people do in Brookline. Being at the ball park makes me feel like I'm 12 again, as it always does. I just remember how I use to be there every saturday for our soccer games and Brian's baseball... how adam and I would wander around digging in the trashes looking for sprite bottle caps for the prizes. How I use to beg my mom for money to buy hot dogs and gatorade after a game....

I need to go away for a couple days; I need a vacation. Luckily I have 6 days paid vacation coming my way... at least I think it's 6. I had three in May, and then three in November. I never took the ones in May, so they should just add up and give me six days? I hope... that would be nice. I took a mini- mini vacation the end of September up to Maine with manda and Dave. And that was amazing. Dave's work was having a BBQ/tailgating thing for the people at the marina on one of the islands, so we got to go out on Dave's boat and spend the night . We moored next to his boss's boat, which was a gorgeous sailboat, and we ate and hung out there. They were so nice and sweet, they adopted us. Everyone is Maine was really nice and really welcoming, so I didn't even feel shy about talking to people. And they all knew Dave, which was kinda funny. He even got his own chant when we came up to the islands. Unfortunately, I could only stay the night, I had to be back at work the next day to close... it made me actually sad to have to leave; I so did not want to go to work....

Don't get me wrong; I do enjoy my job for the most part. I like most of the crew (okay, so like 4 or 5 of them out of like 14 i can say I actually like, the rest I tolerate) but the ones that I do like, I have a lot of fun with. There usually is a lot of laughing and swearing and goofing off, but we still get stuff done. And I like my fellow manager Suzanne, so for the most part the job is enjoyable. I just am beginning to feel a bit burnt out & realized that I need to get away for awhile...

Your result for Tarot Card Guide Test...

YOUR GUIDES ARE THE LOVERS

"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."--- Janos Arnay

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